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Tilted Kilt review

 

What did one marketing executive say to the other one? "Why don't we combine the buxom sex appeal of Hooters with that Mel Gibson Scottish film from a few years ago, 'Braveheart'? We can sell overpriced pub fare and make a fortune!" And thus was born the Tilted Kilt Pub and Eatery.
The Tilted Kilt Pub and Eatery recently opened a Madison location and I have to tell you I cannot be recommending it to you either as a Scotsman or a zombie. For one thing, the buxom lassies are not on the menu. And even if they were, they're so scrawny that ye would not be getting yer money's worth!

I was all set to enjoy a nice meal of Phish 'n' Hips with an extra
helping of Trey Anastasio, only to be told that they didn't serve humans. "Hey," I said, glancing around at my fellow
patrons, "that's no way to talk about your customers." (INSERT RIMSHOT HERE)

So instead I had to settle for "Maggie Mae's Fish & Chips." What the hell's with
the Rod Stewart reference, anyway? I know
he's Scottish but c'mon! As far as I can remember, there's not a single reference
to fish and chips in that song.

But I digress. The fish was not so great but the "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?" creamy tartar sauce helped hide the blandness of the fish. I also didn't care for the
shoestringy nature of the French fries but I'll give the Tilted Kilt credit for
giving me a large quantity of the fries.

This was in direct contrast to the miniscule portion of garlic fries I received
as my appetizer. C'mon Tilted Kilt, the Irish Potato Famine was over 150 years ago! (INSERT HEAVY SIGH HERE)

Turning to condiments...Props to the Kilt for having malt vinegar!

My companion, Donn O'The Dead, Ireland's Funniest Vampire Comedian, had "Danny Boy's Shepherds Pie." I reckon it's named after the classic Irish folk ballad because a steady diet of this will undoubtedly have you singing your death song. The Tilted Kilt menu describes it as "beef, carrots, peas and mushroom gravy topped with garlic mashed potatoes and parmesan cheese." But I think a more accurate description would be "a leftover can of Dinty Moore stew from the late '90s, topped with some mashed potatoes that the school cafeteria threw out." It was not good. You eat too much of this stuff and you'll probably have to give yourself a bagpipe enema if you know what I mean. And if you don't know what I mean, consider yerself lucky.

Of course, Donn had to keep his distance from the garlic fries so ye'll not be gettin' a second opinion on them.

As for decor -- not much to report there...very little Scottish paraphernalia...and they didn't even have the vision to put "Lads" and "Lassies" signs on the restroom doors.

And as far as the phallic symbolism of the name, the Tilted Kilt, goes...well, make of that what you will. And, personally, I think the Kilted Tilt would be a better name.

That's all for now. I'm toying with the idea of pulling a Dustin Hoffman/"Tootsie"
routine and going undercover to work there as a waitress and write a big investigative feature on what the poor young women have to endure from the clientele but that would probably mean I'd have to eat my meals there. And there's a limit as to how much I'll suffer for my art.

Eat ya later!

A.M.

Angus MacAbre's Drive-Thru Commentaries

 

"Fast food for thought...when you just don't have time for the muss and fuss of a traditional sit-down commentary!"

No time like the present

"Right about now, the idea of a conceptual standup like the Doug Gordon-created Angus MacAbre, Scotland's funniest zombie comedian, purveyor of undeadpan humor, begins to sound pretty appealing"

-- John Mendels(s)ohn,
"Comedy Night at the Klinic goes 'thud, thud, and thud.'", Dane101.com

Never Mind Vampire Weekend, Here's Zombie Workweek

 

Forget about Vampire Weekend. They're so 2007. The new, must-hear band is ZOMBIE WORKWEEK featuring Angus MacAbre, Scotland's Funniest Zombie Comedian.

Check out Zombie Workweek's debut single, "Knowlton Nash"! Available here!

Leave it to a zombie to record a smart song about the dumbing-down of the media!
What is the world coming to?

Angus and Donn in "Waiting for Go.com"

 

Don't miss Angus MacAbre, Scotland's Funniest Zombie Comedian, and Donn O'TheDead, Ireland's Funniest Vampire Comedian, in their entertaining and enlightening existential comedy, WAITING FOR GO.COM (not to be confused with Samuel Beckett's classic, WAITING FOR GODOT).

WAITING FOR GO.COM is the story of two tramps who are waiting for the arrival of a mysterious venture capitalist whom they hope will help them launch their revolutionary new web portal.

COMING SOON TO A VENUE TBA!

Journey to the End of the Night

 

The Five People You Meet in Hell

 

The Love Craft

 

Baristas of the Caribbean

 

Cover art for Angus' new memoir

 

Here's a sneak peek at the cover art for my forthcoming memoir,
EAT PREY, LOVE.

Eat ya later!

A.M.

Angus MacAbre Unveils Winnipeg Water Park Proposal

 

Angus MacAbre, Scotland's Funniest Zombie Comedian, wasted no time in unveiling his proposal for a Winnipeg water park, at a sparsely-attended news conference at Noah's Ark in the Wisconsin Dells, the Water Park Capital of the World, late this afternoon.

"Angus MacAbre's Wet 'n' Wild River Styx Water Park is going to reinvent the water-park experience," MacAbre said in his thick Scottish accent. "As the name be indicating, this water park will be based on the famous 'River Styx' of Greek mythology which forms the boundary between Earth and the Underworld, also known as Hades."
"It'll feature Animatronic-Audio figures based on the ferryman, Charon, and that darn hell-hound, Cerberus. I realize that this hellish theme might seem rather dark and disturbing but I think it's very appropriate for the post-apocalyptic times in which we live. Think of it as a new kind of water park, an extreme water park! Plus it'll be perfect for those long winter months. We can joke that hell has finally frozen over."

"I don't have an artist's conception yet so you'll just have to settle for this famous Gustave Dore etching," MacAbre said, indicating the large canvas on an easel behind him. "I want to make it clear that although this water park will have a River Styx theme, we will not be playing any music by the American rock band of the '70s and '80s, Styx. That would be too scary. I cannot abide their pretentious brand of pomp rock."

MacAbre plans to discuss his proposal with Winnipeg Mayor Sam Katz. "Ideally, I'll have Mayor Katz for lunch," MacAbre quipped.

MacAbre refused to disclose details about where he was going to get the funding to build the water park. "I resent that question. Are you implying that I'm a cheapskate and am going to cut corners because I'm Scottish and a zombie? Well, you're dead wrong." MacAbre mentioned Leanne Friesen as a possible source of revenue. "I'm sure I can 'borrow' 40 dollars from the Scam Ma'am," MacAbre said with a devilish gleam in his eyes.

MacAbre's water proposal proposal comes in the wake of the City of Winnipeg's Executive Policy Committee's approval of a plan to spend seven million dollars on a privately-run facility.


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