Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Angus MacAbre, Scotland's Funniest Zombie Comedian, wasted no time in unveiling his proposal for a Winnipeg water park, at a sparsely-attended news conference at Noah's Ark in the Wisconsin Dells, the Water Park Capital of the World, late this afternoon.
"Angus MacAbre's Wet 'n' Wild River Styx Water Park is going to reinvent the water-park experience," MacAbre said in his thick Scottish accent. "As the name be indicating, this water park will be based on the famous 'River Styx' of Greek mythology which forms the boundary between Earth and the Underworld, also known as Hades."
"It'll feature Animatronic-Audio figures based on the ferryman, Charon, and that darn hell-hound, Cerberus. I realize that this hellish theme might seem rather dark and disturbing but I think it's very appropriate for the post-apocalyptic times in which we live. Think of it as a new kind of water park, an extreme water park! Plus it'll be perfect for those long winter months. We can joke that hell has finally frozen over."
"I don't have an artist's conception yet so you'll just have to settle for this famous Gustave Dore etching," MacAbre said, indicating the large canvas on an easel behind him. "I want to make it clear that although this water park will have a River Styx theme, we will not be playing any music by the American rock band of the '70s and '80s, Styx. That would be too scary. I cannot abide their pretentious brand of pomp rock."
MacAbre plans to discuss his proposal with Winnipeg Mayor Sam Katz. "Ideally, I'll have Mayor Katz for lunch," MacAbre quipped.
MacAbre refused to disclose details about where he was going to get the funding to build the water park. "I resent that question. Are you implying that I'm a cheapskate and am going to cut corners because I'm Scottish and a zombie? Well, you're dead wrong." MacAbre mentioned Leanne Friesen as a possible source of revenue. "I'm sure I can 'borrow' 40 dollars from the Scam Ma'am," MacAbre said with a devilish gleam in his eyes.
MacAbre's water proposal proposal comes in the wake of the City of Winnipeg's Executive Policy Committee's approval of a plan to spend seven million dollars on a privately-run facility.