ANGUS MACABRE REACTS TO OSCAR SNUBS
Angus MacAbre, “Scotland’s Funniest Zombie Comedian,” was more than mildly miffed upon hearing that he’d been snubbed by the 82nd Annual Oscar Nominations, which were announced this morning.
“You’ve gotta be friggin’ kiddin’ me. ‘The Zombeatles: All You Need Is Brains’ was not nominated for ‘Short Subject (Documentary)’?! Okay, Ashton Kutcher, you can come on out now. I get it. I’m being punk’d!”
After being assured that Kutcher was nowhere in the immediate vicinity and that MacAbre was most assuredly not being ‘punk’d,’ “Scotland’s Funniest Zombie Comedian” broke down into tears.
“I cannot believe this. The Academy is clearly prejudiced against zombies. We’re people too; at least, we used to be. Why the hell did they not double the nominees for this category like they did for ‘Best Picture’? Whose brain do you have to eat in this town to get the respect and the recognition that you deserve? Did they not see the Zombeatles shout-out in the Feb. 1st issue of ‘The New Yorker’?”
“What about my other documentary, ‘Would You Like Thighs With That?’ The one in which I spend an entire month eating nobody but McDonald’s customers and employees. Did that get nominated?...No?! Oh, fer cryin’ out loud!”
It’s been a difficult 2010 for MacAbre. He’s still reeling from the Zombie News Network’s decision to remove him as host of their flagship talk programme, “Journey to the End of the Night” and give it back to his arch-nemesis, Haggis Head, “Scotland’s Funniest Zombie Prop Comedian.”